Friday, March 12, 2004


Today, I furnish proof of my popularity amongst the swinging younger voter.

Dear Mister Don Brash,
I just heard on the news that you went real easy on that joker who chucked mud on you and you didn't press any charges and that the joker got off without a conviction 'cuz he diverted and now I realize that this sentence I just wrote is really long and I also know that you are a busy man but I want to ask that when you become King of New Zeland(sic) whether you would let me off from not finishing my dinner and promise not to ring the food police and tell on me like mum says she will.
p.s. if you tell me your cell phone number then I can txt you and it won't be as long as if I wrote to you.

Thank you Richard S. (aged seven) for your nice letter.
However before I can give your request any serious consideration, it would help for me to know what your position on superannuation is.

The phrase for today is 'debate' - when you remove the worm from the hook.

Thursday, March 11, 2004


So - Helen Clark says that an inquiry into the Treaty may take up to 18 months to complete.
What utter tosh!
Mister Clark is quite aware that Maoris do not have either the stamina or attention-span to go that kind of distance.
Imagine the amount of documentation such an inquiry would yield. Lord knows how much our Maoris dislike reading!
They want immediate answers and a fast-twitch muscle response.
And that's what a National government promises to deliver.
A 'no' is quicker than a 'yes' and Gerry hasn't got an ounce of body fat on him (he won't state his weight in metrics).
Also, cult religion party leader Peter Dunne is quoted as saying that I'm too frightened to engage in (his words) "a mature debate".
A typical "age-ist" statement from an embittered old politician if I've ever heard one.
Well, Mister Dunne - I hate to break it to you but it's us young bloods who stand to inherit the world of tomorrow.
And to use the vernacular of my generation - you can go suck chickens.

The phrase for today is ''nudity" - the debut performance of an annoying melody.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004


The constitutional crisis which has the country in its grip is giving comfort to those who do not have the best interests of New Zealanders at heart. In short order in recent days we have seen such affronts to common sense as a $4 billion roading plan for Auckland, the discovery of an unlicensed aquaculture centre near Gisborne and a musical version of Once Were Warriors.
The Prime Minister says a royal commission is the answer but, if I may contirbute my two pipis worth, I say the madness must stop. It is time to draw a line in the sand, and I believe the Crown should draw that line.
The Prime Minister is being held hostage by Maori dissidents in her caucus. Fortunately with one exception, dissenting Maoris in caucus are not a problem for us.
The only solution is an early election. I say to the Prime Minister: Bring it up!

The phrase for today is ‘koha’ - a basic joke

Tuesday, March 09, 2004


"The cynical manipulation of public opinion over the past month has shown that many people remain confused about the role of the treaty in our constitution.
"Like it, loathe it or wallow in ignorance of it, the treaty remains this country's founding document and cannot be 'rewritten' every time a politician needs a quick-fix in the polls." Nandor Tanczos, NZ Herald 09/03.

Now the above statement could have come from any member of the house in this current climate no matter what their political stripe.
I would have said much the same thing except with different adjectives. scapegoats and, possibly, a totally different meaning had Nandor not beaten me to the draw.
However muddled his thinking is, he basically means well although I'm worried that the "electric puha" may be somewhat detrimental to a person with his delicate constitution.
Note to Nandor: Eat more red meat.

The phrase for today is 'kowhai' - a cheeky darky.

Monday, March 08, 2004


I fully endorse the formation of a new political party for Maoris - as long as it is based on need not race. I myself would be happy to commit at least one politician to such an enterprise, whether she likes it or not.

I note also that the Waitangi Tribunal agrees with me that the government is wrong. Must arrange a coffee with them sometime to see if we share any common ground - as long as it is above the high water mark, of course. (Joke)

As today is International Women’s Day I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the fairer sex - although I think that term may be a bit of a misnomer as they come in all colours.

BTW, Sammy has told me that David Tua is not, as I reported last week, a Maori. Come to think of it he does look more like a New Zealander, and certainly his income sugests non-Maori affiliations.

Phrase for today is ‘Tangata whenua” - I’m sorry, I’ve had Sammy looking into this all day with no success. Neither of us has any idea what this means.

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