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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

THE MAN THE AUTHORITIES CAME TO BLAME 

It’s not often you get surprised at my age, though Sammy’s still capable of putting the wind up me if we happen to walk past a bakery with a special offer on leftover sally lunns at the end of the day.
But as you will be aware, The Don Brash Variety Hour debuted on Monday to most encouraging ratings: first in all 5+ (Rangiora) and second in the all-important 85-dead demographic (Bluff), which was pretty good going since we were up against Don Brash: What a Shit on MTS,
Since then, I have been overwhelmed by a wave of support from the show business community or “luvvies” as I believe the insider jargon has it.
Such encouragement has really brought a lump to my forehead. To give but two examples. One of our leading film-makers, a Mr Steve Crow, appears to have recognised my gifts as a humourist and has asked me to appear in his next production because “Christ knows, we could really use some comic relief”. I believe the name of the opus in question is Once You’ve Had Black.
I have also been contacted by a Mr Richard Taylor of Wetter Workshops, who says he believes his company has developed new technology which could be used to animate me.
“Stay tuned”, as we say in “the business”.


The phrase for today is 'Te Kooti’ – the nits.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

THERE'S CALM IN MY EYE 

I hadn't realised that this Hurricane Brash documentary was going to be all about me.
Here I was, thinking I was helping out a novice lensman who needed to check the grey balance on his camera, couldn't find a suitable neutral grey to shoot so asked me to stand in. Quelle surprise! And surely a landmark in colour matching.
To be involved in show business at any level is positively intoxicating and in the last few months I've graduated from shandy to the hard stuff.
I'm thinking of hiring that political cartoon artist Tom Scott as a speech writer. With him sculpting my words, nobody will ever laugh at me again.

The phrase for today is 'whangai' - a mushroom.

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